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Review
“A masterpiece—clear, insightful, and practical. . . . Highly recommended!”—William Ury, co-author of Getting to Yes and author of Getting to Yes with Yourself“Quite simply, the best book I have ever read on negotiating in situations of extreme conflict.”—Matthew Bishop, The Economist Group“Brilliant insights to the baffling conundrum of our age, intractable disputes of all kinds.”—Daniel Goleman, author Emotional Intelligence"Excellent."—David Brooks, The New York Times“Shapiro exposes the myth that humans are primarily rational in their decision making. . . . More importantly, he discusses the conflicts between good and bad that take place in all of us. . . . The world has been enriched with another intelligent lecture on how we should interact with each other. Hopefully this time we will listen.” —Forbes “Daniel Shapiro gives you the tools to transform yourself.”—Rick Kleffel (KQED), Rainbow Light blog“I have recommended Shapiro’s book more than any other book I have read in quite some time.”—PsychCentral “A blueprint for successful negotiation.”—Booklist“Appealing to rationality isn’t always the best way to mend a rift; instead, both parties in a negotiation have to be willing to get in touch with the conflict’s more emotional underpinnings. In his book, Negotiating the Nonnegotiable [Shapiro] shares the strategies he’s used to help people in all kinds of settings access the core emotions driving their conflicts and reach mutually beneficial resolutions.”—Business Insider “A must-read! Dan Shapiro’s Negotiating the Nonnegotiable offers bold, practical, and uplifting advice to reduce the turmoil of conflict and foster reconciliation in your professional and personal life.”—Michael Wheeler, Harvard Business School“Daniel Shapiro provides us with one of the most optimistic and compelling approaches to conflict resolution of our time.”—Howard W. Buffett, Lecturer in International and Public Affairs, Columbia University “With telling examples from the bedroom to the boardroom to the war room, this book gives us something invaluable—a way both to see the perils of identity conflict in negotiation and to avoid them.” —Robert Cialdini, Author of Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion“Negotiating the Nonnegotiable is one of the most important books of our modern era.”—Jaime de Bourbon de Parme, Ambassador of the Netherlands to the Holy See “A life-changing book! If you are going to read one book this year to improve your life, choose Negotiating the Nonnegotiable.” —Simona Baciu, Founder and President, Transylvania College“A modern masterpiece! Bold and compelling from the first page. . . . Every leader should read it and live by it.”—Katherine Garrett-Cox, CEO, Alliance Trust Investments“Negotiating the Nonnegotiable is sure to be required reading for diplomats and peace-builders alike." —Nancy Lindborg, President, United States Institute of Peace “Those seeking peaceful resolutions should keep this book on a bedside table.” —David Gergen, former White House adviser; Co-director, Center for Public Leadership, Harvard Kennedy School of Government
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About the Author
Daniel L. Shapiro is a world renowned expert on the psychology of conflict resolution. Named one of Harvard’s top 15 professors by The Harvard Crimson, he founded and directs the Harvard International Negotiation Program and regularly advises everyone from hostage negotiators to families in crisis, disputing CEOs to clashing heads of state.
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Product details
Paperback: 352 pages
Publisher: Penguin Books; Reprint edition (March 7, 2017)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 9780143110170
ISBN-13: 978-0143110170
ASIN: 0143110179
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.8 x 8.4 inches
Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.6 out of 5 stars
65 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#62,657 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
After years as a labor negotiator and attorney wife,,mother and grandmother, I never realized before reading this book how powerful the emotional component is in getting a successful resolution to conflicts. I find this book hits the nail on the head by focusing on the "whys" rather than the" how to" win consensus. Dan Shapiro takes what we know instinctively and turns one's attention to what tools we need to move a conflict into a resolution. What a masterful job he has done to blend day to day stories with great ideas I loved hearing about Dan navigating through the jungle of identities we all have, at home and at work, with those we love and those we don't.And who knew that we are part of a tribe or that the tribal experiences can be multifaceted and everchanging.depending on the context--work, home,and even at the hockey rink?. Blending humor and history, Dan's book should be read by everyone in the kitchen, the board room, and even the White House!
As founder and director of the Harvard International Negotiation Program, Dan Shapiro brings to bare a practical approach to conflict resolution in this master piece. One that is based on a wide array of experiences at all levels of society, from his personal life to the community level (NYPD) and from the State to international level (Israeli-Palestinian). After watching the Marrakesh incident on BBC’s The World Debate in an episode titled “Are the Right People Talking?†in which he served as challenger between the Israeli and Palestinian business and political leaders, I am fascinated by his deep experiences with emotionally charged conflicts. Something that he explores with practical examples, suited for students, professionals, spouses, teachers, diplomats… etc.The simplicity with which Prof. Dan handles a complex subject of “me versus you, us versus them†mindset, one that is typical in emotionally charged conflicts, is truly appealing to me as student. He uses the concept of the “Tribes Effect†(mindset that pits your identity against that of the other side) to illustrate how easily it is for people to be drawn into conflicts, be it siblings, spouses, business professionals, diplomats and even experts in conflict resolution. This is exemplified in the Davos experiment in which we see the world explode out of frustration.Professor Dan focuses on “five lures of the tribal mindâ€, crucial factors that parties to conflicts and even negotiators often ignore or mismanage. If there is one thing that I recommend to all those interested in resolving conflicts that transcend unity, it is for them to read through these five factors – vertigo, Repetition compulsion, Taboos, Assault on the sacred and Identity politics. This book not only tells us how these factors escalate conflicts but also provide practical steps on how to navigate and overcome them.
This work used minimum use of the hackneyed word "ego", which made it unique. It did an excllenet job in explaining that a preceicved threat to identity spawns most conflicts. It even provided good advice in reconciling conflicts, such as finding a common set of values amongst the opposing parties. However, in my opinion, it fails to warn readers do the perils which may potentially arise in cultivating those mutual values. For example, say you find you have something in common with your aggressors. You run the risk of speaking too much about your own views on that rather than inquiring into the perspectives of the other party. This lack of sensitivity may tentatively exacerbate the conflict, and I feel the book did not address that. Consequently, to ge the most of want this book has to offer, it may benefit the reader to concurrently read other books on creating an emotional bond.
In everyday live we all face situations where conflicts can arise. And many times we see ourselves already trapped in a difficult situation where we didn’t even want to go when it started. In my work as negotiating specialist in the Netherlands, I see people then start to push harder and harder on the content and the other side, to convince themselves and the other that they are right and should be heard. And off course the other side of the table will then do exactly the same. Why, because we all want to be heard and recognized for how we perceive, feel and look at the situation. The conflict will be fed, and the longer it will take, the harder it will become to find an attractive solution.Daniel Shapiro did an excellent job in writing this book. It is both theoretical and practical and therefore will help you, in private life, business and politics. It shows ways to get out of the conflict when we got stuck. It will help you finding out what steps to take, how to manage the process in advance and therefore prepare yourself to stay out of conflicts in the future. The last part will ask some time off (self) reflection. What are my beliefs, rituals, values and emotions? How do they form my identity? And how do they interact with the outside world? In my opinion this is an important way to go instead of tips and tricks that in the end are not part of our authenticity and therefore most of time not very sustainable.And don’t we all want conflicts to be solved in a sustainable way?
This book is an amazing blueprint to help you understand how to navigate and successfully negotiation any conflict that arises in your life - from business, to family, to friends, etc. It provides practical tips and advice and is told in an incredibly engaging and captivating way. I find myself going back to points made in this book anytime I'm faced with a high stakes conversation. Highly recommend this to everyone!
A book that treats difficult concepts in a very readable way. Negotiating in no doubt an area where a deep knowledge of the way humans act helps very much. This book covers many areas of human conduct in a way a lay person can understand. I highly recommend it
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